So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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