New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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