it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
