I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
