my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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