I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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