I wish you could order shots online.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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