Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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