A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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