How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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