on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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