sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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