No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
