I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
