I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
