Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
