the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
