he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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