its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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