i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
