Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
