Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
