I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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