Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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