I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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