Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
