Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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