Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
