Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
