I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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