Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
