I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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