Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
