i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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