The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
