Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
