True but thats because hes a fetus.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
