textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
