I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry about my life...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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