so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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