After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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