okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
