my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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