oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
