It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
