Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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