i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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