"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
