I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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