OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize