dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
