i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
