she was so not down for the gang bang
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
