When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
