she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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