My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
