My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
