Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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