Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
