Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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