She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
