Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
