I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
