GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
