I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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