Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
