Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
