im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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