He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
