if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize