Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
