i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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