After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
