She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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