hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
