Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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